Cautiously Optimistic

17 days sober.

I feel kind of good today, not as tired. Feeling on the thin edge of cheerful even. Could it be possible I've gotten over a small speedbump in finding the Art of Being Sober? I don't think I've uncovered any gravity defying insights about myself these past two weeks. I'm still mildly depressed, still have those self esteem problems that have always been there and a tendancy to be crazy bored in the evenings.

My parents were BIG drinkers. Dad has tried to drink himself to death at least three times since he retired. To me it seemed like they did it because they felt sorry for themselves so I've been spending a lot of time examing that aspect in myself. It's always a possiblity although I think the sameness of my days wears me out so I hid with the drink. Socialbility doesn't come easy to me, I have to wear a different persona.

I need to plan some events for myself. I'm always at my best when planning something, looking forward to something. As with everything difficult, easier said than done. I'm pretty lazy about pulling the trigger and commiting myself to the effort. I have some time off the next couple of months, I need to get on that.